Stalking: The Marvelous Adventures of Pacifica Northwest
by Devin Trinidad
Summary: Pacifica was a woman with a plan. She was going to find out who this Mr. Mystery had to do with Dipper Pines. No matter how handsome and charming he may seem. Oh, and what was with that hilarious French accent?


Honestly, gossips were the weirdest and rudest people on earth.

Pacifica Northwest had lived with her parents talking about other celebrities, rich people, and other snobbish entities that happened to spew from their plastic faces. After hearing what so and so had to say about this or what they wore and _oh_ _my_ _gosh_ did they really have a birthday bash in Hawaii? Needless to say, the Northwest heiress felt that the idea of sharing information about other people was just a complete waste of time and that it was disgusting to partake in the little huddles of gossipers. Which was why, when she met up with a few of her Gravity Falls friends, she was surprised that she wanted to hear more about this 'gossip' about a certain someone.

"Yeah! Like, totally, I heard that the Mystery Shack has got this new vampire-butler thing!"

"Like, really? I heard that he was a fallen angel," another would exclaim.

Suddenly, another one of her friends interjected with another phrase about the Mystery Shack's newest attraction.

"Nuh-uh, I went there yesterday and it was like whoa!"

Comments detailing the newest form of eye candy were nothing new, but it grated on Pacifica's nerves.

Pacifica, getting fed up with her friends using descriptive language and pronouns to describe the mystery man, cut in with a, "What was whoa? And who are you talking about?"

Because she was the heiress to the Northwest fortune, all of her gal pals felt obligated to tell her. However, that didn't stop them from being hesitant and angry that she dare interrupt their wanton fantasies.

"The new Mr. Mystery, of course! Where were you the last few days?"

"Yeah, he is so handsome and so…"A pause and a snicker later, "Mysterious."

Pacifica rolled her eyes at the pun.

"Are you talking about Dipper Pines? The dork that comes here every summer?" She didn't mean to sound too biting, but she didn't want to sound like she sounded like she cared. After the ghostly events a few summers prior, she felt like she was on a better relationship with him, but it just amounted to a sort-of friendship. It wasn't like she wanted something more from the guy. For Pete's sake, he hunted monsters and ghosts in his spare time.

Totally not datable or doable for her image.

Once she stated his name, the girls around her practically grew hearts in their eyes.

"Oh my!"

"That's so mysterious!"

"The total tall, dark, and handsome to my fair maiden," one of the girls swooned.

Watching all of these fake wannabes made Pacifica want to vomit. Geeze, the last time she had seen the kid, he was sporting pimples and a high-pitched voice. He was okay for a commoner, but she didn't think that someone would actually think he was attractive! As the girl's gaggle of mindless gossip continued to go on and on and on and on about the _mysterious Dipper Pines,_ Pacifica knew that she had enough. Rising from their table at the Gravity Falls mall, she ordered them to disband until their next meeting.

Pfft…as if Dipper Pines could be considered tall, dark, and handsome.

Granted, she hadn't seen him in town yet, but she had a feeling that she was right.

* * *

"He kissed me on the cheek yesterday!"

"And he totally gave me a magical flower! I don't know what it does, but it was worth the tour!"

Okay, so there might have been something different about the Pines boy.

* * *

"Now…what to do about Dipper Pines," Pacifica muttered to herself. If the girls just happened to gush over Dipper Pines for a few minutes, her interest wouldn't have piqued. However, they had been talking about him in secret for the past few days, so she decided that it was a matter worth looking into. Besides, she reasoned to herself, it wasn't like she was looking to start dating someone, she was just looking out for a sort-of friend.

God only knows what her friends do to capture the attention of their beaus.

The blonde teen played with her cell phone in contemplation. She supposed that she could look up the Mystery Shack's number so she could prove that he wasn't some kind of male model, but it would be kind of shady. The girl couldn't just ask Dipper if he actually went through puberty and if he knew that her girls lusted after him. Although…

"Sergio!" At her call, her butler stepped forward. Once she knew that he was within hearing distance, she ordered him to get the Mystery Shack's number. If he was a little weirded out that she was asking for a number of that creepy place, he didn't show it. Instead, he returned with a scrap of stationery with the number written in artistic calligraphy. "Excellent. Dismissed…and thank you."

Unlike her parents, she actually had manners.

As the dial tone greeted her ear, Pacifica felt her palms grow sweaty. What the heck was she doing? Why was she doing this? For all she knew, this Mr. Mystery guy probably wasn't Dipper and she was probably getting her hopes up for nothing. All for the sake of satiating her curiosity and proving a point. A grim smile darkened her complexion. If she didn't know any better, she sounded a lot like—

"Mystery Shack, where the mystery comes to you!...and stuff…give us money," the deep voice on the other side of the line boredly intoned. The guy sounded like he was reading the introduction off a paper or something because it sounded so disinterested, but gosh darn it!

This sounded like hotness personified.

Certainly, this was _not_ Dipper Pines.

"M-may I speak with Dipper Pines?" Internally, she groaned at her uncharacteristic stuttering. She had willed her vocal chords not to mess up, but gosh darn it…this voice…

"Speaking."

Okay. So it _was_ Dipper Pines.

Pacifica began to sweat even more now.

How pedestrian of her.

As a few seconds passed, the blonde heard a sigh and his voice threaten, "Look, if this is a prank call, I have been authorized to hex the person on the other side of the line. Also, since hexing people wastes my time and effort, you're going to have to pay up."

Pacifica began to hyperventilate. If Dipper sounded so handsome and gorgeous just by speaking, what would he like? All those lessons of handling pressure from the paparazzi and handling the press about the Northwests seemed to drain away from Pacifica.

"Hello? Alrighty then," Dipper groaned. "I warned—"

"No need!" Dang, she rushed in too quickly. Fearing that she might have offended him with her awkwardness, she spoke again, albeit calmly this time. "I was just wondering…when are the Mystery Shack tours?"

A sigh and a shuffling of a few papers.

"We have tours at ten, twelve, and two. All of them are only thirty to forty five minutes each. Will that be all?"

"Er…yes. Oh, wait! Who usually guides the tours?"

She heard a sigh on the other line and what sounded like a slap on his forehead.

"…Mr. Mystery. Why do you—"

She hung up the phone and began to peruse through her extravagant closet in a frenzy.

Pacifica had a plan.

* * *

"This is might be the stupidest thing that I have ever done," the blonde muttered. She was wearing her special outfit that consisted of a tan trench coat, a purple bandana, sunglasses, and sneakers. Really, she was just pulling off the same trick she had used when she was twelve, but there was no other option. Her friends might see her and mistake her for being one of the commoners. That would ruin her reputation! "Well," she muttered as she got in line for the Mystery Shack tour, "here goes nothing."

The line was filled with people from all over the country. There were people with those hoity toity New York accents, Southern hillbillies, and Spanish speakers from Mexico. Honestly, Pacifica was a little amazed that the town's infamous conman was leading all of these people to his tourist trap. It was almost enviable.

As she watched, the line grew bigger and bigger. At first, the teen was confused because she had never seen the crowd at the Mystery Shack swell to such an enormous crowd. However, her confusion was cleared once she realized that they weren't for the tour through the woods, they were here for—

"Bonjour," a fake French accent intoned boisterously, "fairest maidens and fiercest of warriors! The man of the hour, Mr. Mystery, has arrived!" A young woman with untamable curls shouted with a megaphone. Pacifica took one look at her and immediately blanched at the sight. Clearly, this was Mabel Pines and she had more than filled out ever since Pacifica last saw her. Gone were the sweaters with the cutesy pictures and catch phrases. Instead, she was wearing handmade dresses and boots. Her body, once short and stubby had lengthened and gave the boys reason to ogle her.

The Northwest heiress chewed the inside of her cheek.

If Mabel Pines looked this good then—

"Oh my gosh! It's him!"

All of the girls in the line instantly swooned as they saw the stereotypical trope of tall, dark, and handsome. Clearly, the California sun had done the boy some good. The Dipper Pines Pacifica had known was a nerdy, pasty boy who couldn't pass up the opportunity to get lost in a book. Back when she had invited him to the summer party, he had worn dirty and smelly clothing and his hair was practically a dead bird's nest. Now…

"Doesn't he look mysterious with that eye patch of his?"

"I know, right? Look at that hair…It's so gorgeous and fluffy!"

"And that suit. He could give Deep Chris a run for his money!"

Yes.

 _Yes_.

 _ **And yes.**_

The teen's deep brown eyes glittered with mischief as he swung his cane around in a show of power and magic. As he did so, glitter erupted from the ceiling and smoke rose around him.

"Behold," the boy shouted at the audience, "the innate power of Gravity Falls!"

Pacifica didn't know how he did it, but when he said those words, people began to rise off the floor and neon blue lights lit up the Mystery Shack. The atmosphere began to feel magical and surreal as Pacifica bent down to feel if the ground was still under her feet. However, all she felt was air underneath the soles of her shoes. How was that possible, she thought frantically? Could it be that Dipper was actually using magic for this show?

She didn't realize that she had spoken aloud when she felt a presence behind her.

"No, my dear mademoiselle," a husky voice intoned in her ear. "It's the power of our love lifting people off the ground!"

Pacifica startled so bad, she almost felt like she was falling. (And laughing. How could a French accent could be so alluring and yet so hilarious at the same time?) Despite the fact that it was probably some magic trick, she felt strong arms catch her around the waist and underneath her knees. How the heck did he know how to do that? Just then, the other tourists caught wind of 'Mr. Mystery' catching hold of Pacifica like a common damsel in distress. In order to save face, she yelled and flailed in his grip.

"How romantic," Pacifica heard from a girl who was still floating a few feet off the ground. "Look how he looks so loving towards her!"

"Mr. Mystery! Take me now!"

As Pacifica looked at Dipper's face so she could soundly reprimand him for his actions, she felt her breath catch. Instead of addressing the public or looking at the other girls in the tour, he was looking straight at her. If it weren't for the humongous sunglasses on her face, he would have clearly seen the blush that dominated her features. His eyes (or rather, eye) looked at her with a piercing stare that would have brought any girl to her knees. For a moment, Pacifica was glad that he had caught her.

"Fear not, fairest maiden, you shall not be harmed by the mysteries of Gravity Falls!" Once he said that, he gently set her on the ground. A second only passed as she regained her bearings, but then she felt him take her once again and dipped her low in a dance move meant to take place in a waltz. "Feel better?"

Mutters of protest resounded through the crowd, but Pacifica felt like she deserved the attention. It just felt so right…

"O-of course!" Pacifica barely whispered.

And just like that, Dipper finally let go of her body, leaving her to experience the cold feeling of being left alone. The blonde wanted to reach out and ask for Dipper to touch her again, to reach out and stop her from falling. However, he was already catering to the needs of the other tourists and the girls.

"Don't worry, my beautiful lilies, there is enough for me to go around!"

Enough, huh, Pacifica shrewdly thought as Dipper gently guided the tourists into the shop. Well, looks like he didn't recognize her, so now what?

Her thoughts raced faster and faster as she followed the crowd into the Mystery Shack's gift shop. As she purchased a ton of items to satiate the Stan Pines' greed for money, she began to plan for the future. She was so engrossed in her musings, she completely ignored the fact that she purchased a lot of Grunkle Stan bobble heads.

"What to do indeed," she whispered.

* * *

Here was Pacifica's master plan.

Or, rather, what she thought would constitute a master plan.

You see, after that tour, her head began to clear from all the magic nonsense that had happened and soon she began to realize something. _That person_ was obviously not Dipper. No way did that mystery hunter go through puberty that quickly. If she knew Dipper well enough, he wouldn't be exploiting his gentlemanly charms just for money! (As evidenced by the fact that she had pretty emptied out her wallet while she was in the gift shop on Stanford Pines bobble heads.) At least, she hoped that he wouldn't turn out to be a douchebag because past encounters indicated that he was somewhat decent.

And adventurous.

And caring.

And funny.

And witty.

And many other things that Pacifica couldn't help but think.

Which was really weird considering that she hadn't thought much about the brunet because he only came for the summer. It was just so weird to think that Dipper had definitely become so handsome and so charming. The blonde heiress thought that maybe she was mistaken and that the 'Mr. Mystery' that was hosting the tour was probably some other dude that was definitely not Dipper.

Even if the dude had a slight Californian accent.

Even if the dude had the height and build of a stereotypical Pines.

Even if the guy had Dipper's gangly arms and mischievous brown eyes.

Obviously, there was some voodoo up in the Mystery Shack and Pacifica was going to the bottom of it.

Which was why she wearing more 'commoner clothes' and standing in line with other screaming girls.

"I see that you were converted into a regular," a spunky voice yelled in Pacifica's ear. However, unlike the last time someone had said something in her ear, there wasn't an instant connection or a shudder. Quite the opposite really as Pacifica whirled around in shock. Did someone find out her true identity?

"Relax, bro!" Mabel Pines laughed as she gestured towards the rest of the crowd. "If I scare you off, Grunkle Stan will have my head!" She let out a few more guffaws before adding in a dark, "Really."

"Er…sure," Pacifica muttered. "Was there a reason why you—"

She let her question hang in the air, but Mabel was unfazed. In fact, Mabel's eyes made it seem that she could see right through the disguise. But that was impossible! Hours upon hours were used on picking out the right outfit that wouldn't betray her higher status!

"Oh, yeah!" Mabel reached into one of her many pockets in her handmade dress before withdrawing a few papers. "It's a survey. The Mystery Shack just wants to know if we should keep our old attractions, trash the new, you know, just to keep the greenery flowing." Pacifica was struck with Mabel's lightning bright smile and the blonde was struck with how much Mabel had grown up. The braces were gone and Pacifica felt a bit dizzy because wow…

"You might want to get rid of the Sascrotch, the rock with a face thing…metaphor, whatever you call it…" The blonde trailed off and she hoped that Mabel would leave her alone because she couldn't shake off the feeling that Mabel knew a lot more than what she was letting on.

It unnerved Pacifica.

"What about Mr. Mystery, eh?" Mabel waggled her eyebrows. Again, Pacifica still had this feeling that Mabel saw right into her soul and she was getting a lot of pleasure looking through it. "We were thinking of getting rid—"

"No!" The blonde yelled out too quickly. Her face flushed when she realized that some of the tourists were looking at her in concern. "I mean, I'm pretty sure that he's a crowd pleaser. He's practically my favorite."

Mabel's eyes bore down into Pacifica's and the blonde felt that the brunette was going to eat her alive or something. Sweating, Pacifica tried her hardest not to brush her hair back or wipe her palms onto her capris. If there was something Pacifica wasn't, it was that she didn't want to appear vulnerable in front of other people. However, she was adamantly against the feeling of getting scrutinized by Mabel Pines. It felt like she was about to get reprimanded for something she didn't do.

Before Pacifica could brush Mabel off, the brunette took off with a, "Your contribution will benefit the Mystery Shack! Thanks for your cooperation!"

It wasn't until later that Pacifica realized that Mabel only interviewed her and not the others.

* * *

Gravity Falls was experiencing a heat wave this week. As such, it was only common sense that people wear shorts, a shirt, and possibly a hat to ward off the sun. However, Pacifica was still a woman on a mission. She couldn't let the temperature stop her from stal—watching Mr. Mystery from afar! Reasonably, she would have skipped out on the tour, but she was already obsessed with Mr. Mystery and besides, it wasn't like she was wearing winter clothes. I mean, so what if she wore a tan jacket, jeans, boots in such hot weather?

It couldn't be too bad.

This was her fifth time visiting the Mystery Shack and Pacifica felt like she learned everything she could about the tours, the 'regulars,' and the other employees. She had spent most of her time in the tour observing the attractions and listening to Mr. Mystery's voice drone on and on about the 'supposedly mysterious' exhibits. If she had to listen to him talking about the rock with a face, she was going to explode.

Not with boredom, though. She was going to explode into tiny fleshy pieces because for some odd reason, it felt like Mr. Mystery was targeting her.

Every time she was there for a tour, he always seemed to reserve this special smile for her. Or maybe he would save her again whenever he pulled out this magical stunt that for the life of Pacifica she couldn't figure out. Every time his warm brown eyes met her own, she felt like she had witnessed paradise and that her legs were going to turn into jelly. Also, her face felt heated and suddenly, she just wanted to take her shades off and introduce herself, but she can't because it would be too weird since she's been practically stalking him and—

Was that a gloved hand waving in front of her face?

"Do you require any water, mademoiselle? A healing elixir, perhaps?"

And just like that, Pacifica fainted as if she was one of those fairy tale damsels in distress.

Ugh.

* * *

"Guys, I think she's awake!" A deep voice voice broke through her thoughts as Pacifica tried in vain to sleep a little longer. However, the voice had other ideas because the guy had the audacity to spray her face with cold water. From the force of the water, she quickly hypothesized that she was attacked by a water gun.

Was she kidnapped?

Eager to put her defense classes to use, she immediately opened her eyes and—What the heck!?

"I never thought I would say this, but I think stalking me might have negatively affected your health."

Pacifica fainted again.

* * *

All right. It looked like she was back to square one again. Except this time, she was actually face to face with the boy she had thought was going to look all nerdy and prepubescent like last summer.

She was dead wrong.

"So…how are things?" Her mother and father would have been so proud to know that their daughter was utilizing her social skills in such a professional matter. _Not._

She was resting in the den of the Mystery Shack while the television set was busy blaring out strange commercials. A ratty blanket was thoughtfully was placed around her body and a chipped glass of water with fresh ice cubes was placed right next to her head. True, it wasn't first class, but she had to admit that it had its charms. Even if the house wasn't hospitable or charming enough, the teen sitting on a chair across from her made up for it.

"I take it you're the Mr. Mystery then?"

Dipper grimaced at his stage name as he toyed with the cover of journal three. Unlike his persona designed to cash in heaps of money for his Grunkle Stan, he was just wearing normal plaid clothing, a beat up white shirt, and ratty jeans. Gone was the mysterious and charismatic poise he had during the tour. Gone were the neatly pressed suit, gelled hair, and eye patch. He was just back to Dipper Pines.

But he clearly wasn't.

As Pacifica scrutinized the young man in front of her, she came to the startling conclusion that Dipper Pines grew up hot.

Like, really hot.

And that she was really stupid and naïve to think that puberty would have passed him by.

And that it was getting really uncomfortable because he was just staring at her and—

He barked a laugh, almost similar to the husky tone he used when he played the role of Mr. Mystery, but it sounded so real and boyish to her ears. This was the real person behind the marketing scheme and Pacifica felt overjoyed because she had the feeling that few people had ever heard this boy laugh to freely.

"I thought it would have been obvious," he smirked at her. "I mean, my alter ego is just as transparent as your 'commoner clothing.'"

"What?" The girl thundered incredulously. "I worked hard on this outfit and every other outfit whenever I came to…oh." Realizing that she probably admitted to stalking the brunet, she tried in vain not to look too closely at the teen. "This is…well. This is embarrassing."

"Yeah," the boy started out carelessly. "I could tell that you were totally going for inconspicuous."

"I—I was that transparent, huh."

"Yeah, you were."

"So, what now?"

"Now?" Dipper asked rhetorically. Pacifica saw him slam his journal shut as he strode towards her and sat on the couch was currently resting on. Rosy heat bloomed on her face, but he paid it no mind. "I just thought that I should ask you some questions."

Pacifica looked down at the blanket. Something about his tone made it seem as if something bad was about to happen.

A second passed.

"Did you really find it necessary to buy all the Grunkle Stan bobble heads last Thursday? Granted, they're kind of funny looking, but geeze!"

Pacifica burst out laughing. He practically scared her to death with that voice of his!

"I'm sorry, but you were there and I couldn't not buy anything! And what was with the French accent and the suit?"

Dipper shrugged, but the boyish grin that Pacifica was really starting to enjoy still stretched his face.

"Marketing tactics. I had to have _some_ fun with the job."

"Hmm…you and those girls of yours."

Dipper sobered at her comment. Again, he was reminded that he was yet another attraction for his Grunkle to attract more tourists.

"And that's another thing, why were you coming in to the tours? You could have just knocked and hung out with Mabel and me."

Pacifica turned away from Dipper's inquisitive glance, feeling really sick. Was he going to come to the conclusion that she was a self serving idiot who liked stalking him in Mr. Mystery persona?

"You kept on looking at us. No, wait, you were always looking at me."

Pacifica turned away as she scrambled for an answer.

"T-that's because you're the tour guide, Mr. Mystery."

"Even so, it was kind of creepy…and endearing to know that I was always getting watched by you."

"So what? Other girls were looking at you as well!"

"Mild infatuation," Dipper immediately dismissed. His eyes pierced her with that familiar glint of mischief and adventure that just called out to the blonde. Her heart nearly stopped beating when he said the next few words. "You're a special case."

"Oh?" Pacifica mumbled as she settled deeper into the couch. (She was probably going to leave an outline of her body soon.) Suddenly, she became all too aware of their body heat, the way he just seemed to lean closer, and that he seemed to enjoy her discomfort. Still, she forcefully gritted out a haughty, "And why is that? What makes me different?"

"Because…I like you too."

And suddenly, Pacifica didn't need anything to prove anymore. So what if Dipper Pines masqueraded as Mr. Mystery, or those others girls loved him?

He liked her and she reciprocated.

"But, in all seriousness, what was the appeal of those Grunkle Stan bobble heads?"


End file.
